Ocdbloggergirl's Blog: OCD, Life, and Other Misunderstandings

More Mental Malaise, Less Donald Trump

The Fire at My Apartment Complex Video — August 30, 2019

The Fire at My Apartment Complex Video

This scared the shit out of me back in July. Enjoy!

Advertisements
Resolution —

Resolution

My nerves were frazzled to say the least. I called again at 3 that day, reiterated that it was dripping out of the damn light bulb, and that I was afraid of it being a fire hazard. By then, I cut the power to everything. This seemed to gain results. A new maintenance guy came over, as they must have fired the brigade again as they do once or twice a year. He took a look and said, “It’s coming from upstairs.” Genius, pure genius.

So Maintenance Guy, let’s call him Smelly, went upstairs and banged on the door. Perhaps the tenant was afraid to let him in, since she hadn’t ordered any maintenance. Maybe she’d just finished a J, or had someone unauthorized staying there. I don’t know, but for whatever reason, she didn’t come to the door. And this is how I found out we have a new manager, because she came armed with, I guess ,the new head maintenance guy and Smelly. They go into my bedroom closet and look. “Oh they’re going to let us in one way or another,” she said. Good heavens. How to Win Your Neighbors’ Undying Regard by Lisa B.

So once they performed the Great Raid of 2019, they said some pipes were leaning against the wall or something, and it wasn’t their water heater. I panicked the whole time they were around.

Water Leaking Light Bulb — August 21, 2019

Water Leaking Light Bulb

About to have a psychotic break. I had to call maintenance just now because there is a steady stream of water coming down from the light bulb in my bed room closet. This will be the second time in a month I’ve had to call them for a water related issue,the first was air conditioner related. I called about 15 minutes ago. My anxiety is rising to a crescendo. Dammit, why won’t they come? This is kind of an emergency. I’m scared. What if it’s my neighbor’s water heater about to blow? What if my neighbors get upset I didn’t warn them first? My apartment looks OK right now by my standards, but what if they throw me out? There’s a lot of stains on my carpet, walls, everything. Maybe maintenance is on lunch break and fuck everyone. I suppose I should wait until 4 to call back unless my water bucket starts overflowing. My neighbors are talking loudly. Maybe they found the leak. Maybe they’re mad at me. It’s still steady flowing. I think it’s their water heater. Would bath water leak that long?

I guess I’ll keep writing until someone comes or I have a heart attack and die.

Someone’s coming I think. Maybe not.

Keep talking.

I’d text my friend, but I’m trying to only have conversations with her if she texts first. Bad things have been happening between us. Both my therapist and shrink know about it, my therapist knows all about it. My friend, as you may know if you read many a post before I private it, has a problem with verbal abuse. Sometimes after particularly bad blow ups, I overtake my medication a bit. Not trying to die, but trying to sleep a long time. My friend found me like this, allegedly took pics of me passed out, allegedly called the cops (I can find no record of it), and allegedly stayed with me for hours. I think she’s lying about some of it. She wants nothing to do with me except when she has to over the cats. She called my shrink, but so did I. The story gets worse from there, but I feel I best not say more. But be assured, people know what’s going on.

I heard my neighbor on the phone, but I was too scared to listen. I will plug my ears for fear of hearing them say something bad about me. I have an irrational fear of people talking about me or telling on me or anything. I hope to god they know what is going on and don’t get caught smoking pot. I’m listening to Cardi B. to try to drown shit out. It’s still leaking. It’s been an hour. I’ll keep talking.

The PH was too high in the Family Pool at the Y. The lifeguard warned me. Maybe they had some kid do something unfortunate in there. So I skipped that and I only had a few minutes anyway, because I thought it was an hour earlier when I left the house. I sat in the hot tub for a hot minute, then took a shower. When I got out, my bus sailed away before I could cross four lanes of traffic. I had to call an Uber. This is the second Tesla I’ve rode in. I much prefer riding in a Hooptie, because I feel like an Untouchable chilling with a Brahman. Nice guy, wanted to hear about all the amenities at the Y as he spends most of his free time swimming and working out. Of course he does. When he isn’t flexing his pretentious car.

Now an hour and a half has gone by. Getting annoyed. Maybe I should see if the bucket is full. No, half full. The water is still flowing pretty well and a nice stain is beginning near the light bulb. At least that’s proof it’s not my fault maybe. Listening to Lana del Rey.

I’ve had the first part of a psychiatric evaluation, IQ included. I got tired of people thinking, or in case of my friend – saying, that I’m mentally challenged. I want to know if it’s true. Pretty sure I have brain damage, but full blown idiot, I think not.

My friend doesn’t understand why I would want this done. Am I trying to compare to her high intelligence, or do I want to have it ‘both ways?’ I just want to prove that I’m not as stupid as she thinks I am and to figure out why I am such a weirdo. I’ll be happy to come in at average.

The psychologist wears a Lurch suit and Converse shoes. I liked him right away. Most PHD’s are stuck up I think. This guy treated me like a normal person, spoke to me like a normal person, and I had a good rapport with him. This comes in handy if he’s giving you an IQ test. I asked him towards the end of the session what he thought so far. So far, I’m AT LEAST average. I got a couple of easy questions wrong in patterns, but then I seemed to right myself and get the harder questions right.

It’s been over two hours now. I think I’ve written well over what I should and I could keep going. Will update if I don’t float away.

Reefer Madness —

Reefer Madness

Sassy the cat and I were walking back from feeding strays at the doctor’s office. What the hell is that, I think as I walk up to a felled street light. It is an old light on a wooden pole. The pole is snapped in half. Not a clean break, splintered everywhere, and the metal bent. Miraculously, the light stays lit even laying in the grass, working like a spotlight on the name of the apartment complex and the 5 mph speed limit. Someone was drunk, or experiencing reefer madness, or just being the average douche flooring it in between speed bumps. The OCD in me keeps whispering, “Somehow this is your fault. You did this. You just don’t know you did.”

someone must have

Return — August 20, 2019

Return

OK, I’m going to try to start writing more again. I was lonely in 2010 when I started writing in this blog, and I’m lonely again, so…

Here I am 9 1/2 years later. I’m honestly amazed how far I’ve come from someone totally dependent on her mother to being something akin to independent. My life before my mother’s death is such a distant memory most of the time that it seems like someone else’s memories. Except when I feel intense pangs of guilt. Then I know I am that same person who cursed out her mom.

Sometimes, when I feel insecure, it comes back in my dreams. My mom has just died of sepsis. My cousins reject me. I have no place to go. And then I wake up, amazed that it was 8 years ago this September. That I’m OK and safe in my own apartment. It’s the past.

Fighting triggered the dream.

Oh Look Another Youtube Video — August 6, 2019
TraSa897 Foundation

The TraSa897 Foundation is a Vietnamese non-profit organization

#MILLENNIALLIFECRISIS

I dont have the answers, just a lot of questions.

Road to a Healthier Life

Steering You towards a Healthier Happier Life

Ebony and Crows

A dark spill of worlds and words

Lampelina

never learns ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

How to be cool

Making People Cool and Author

Kevin McCready

Thoughts on a mechanistic universe

TwitterGamesBlog.wordpress.com

A courtesy calendar of ALL scheduled hashtag games & some other fun stuff to do on Twitter

Top 10 of Anything and Everything - The Fun Top Ten Blog

Animals, Gift Ideas, Travel, Books, Recycling Ideas and Many, Many More

Holiday Royal Way

Travel for Fun and Adventure

Staying Fit and Healthy

Health, Wellness, Lifestyle, Spontaneity

Longreads

The best longform stories on the web

OraShift

A Place for the Expressive

An Awkwardly Magnificent Life

A blog about mental health, self acceptance, and embracing all the magnificentally awkward moments along the way.

Maranda Russell

Autism, Depression, and Chronic Pain - Oh My!

Only Michy

Adulting One Day At A Time

EnigmaDebunked

Thoughts that provoke yours. (Season II coming in Dec 2019)

OCDude

A dude with OCD

OCD, A Life of Three

Me, my husband, and his OCD

Life With Personality Disorders.

Diary of a mentally Ill man.

Disorderly Politics

because labels are hard

when Justin Feinstein and Gerald Clancy agree, what would Patricia Gay and Nagisa Yamazaki do on Valmont Street?

emotions on a tightrope above our heads when modern technology places all of us in a toothspoon

TomSlatin.com

Writing, Photography, and Website Design

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii - BestVideoGames.site

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii

The Dopamine Queen

Slow Motion Accident - Mental Health Advocate - Crisis Counselor - Bipolar 1

Welcome to my Blog

blogging, and reblogging

Everything Is Hack!

Find here all information on mental health, travel tips, and generally lifestyle questions answered! Whatever you need to know, this is the place for you.

Irina's Poetry Corner

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. ~Kahlil Gibran

IT'S POETRY. IT'S HISTORY.

feel. write. make poetry.

RTW Roxy

A girl travelling around the world on a motorcycle.

Bittersweet turns

Deep Down Inside...

Luna

Every now and then my head is racing with thoughts so I put pen to paper

The Travellothoner

Travel, Running, Fitness, Life, Writing.

Sagittarius Dolly

A Blog About My Own Arts and Crafts and Photography

Maybe Crazy Help

Helping others understand mental health in a unique way

megisacat

I like art and aerospace engineering - I am very opinionated and like to post about things I do on a daily basis.

THE MIND OF RD REVILO

Conscious Thought: Driven by Intelligent Awareness

New Lune

A blog full of tips, inspiration and freebies!

thatgirlArlene

A Lifestyle, Beauty, Fashion and Travel Blog

Elin's Era

Life under the thinking tree

%d bloggers like this: