Ocdbloggergirl's Blog: OCD, Life, and Other Misunderstandings

More Mental Malaise, Less Donald Trump

Aldi Grocery Haul: Now with Cat — January 23, 2019

Aldi Grocery Haul: Now with Cat

 

As you can see, I have made yet another thrilling Youtube video, and if you have 6 minutes of your life that you don’t mind not getting back, give it a watch. I’m up to 13 subscribers. Will you be number 14? It might not be as exciting as MAGA Smirk Boy, but not many things are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Watch “Roses Discount Department Store Haul” on YouTube — January 18, 2019

Watch “Roses Discount Department Store Haul” on YouTube

I actually recorded this a week ago too, but just got it up. This one is a little better than my last trashy store haul. I edited it with Filmora Go instead of Inshot.

In other news, I’m writing a post/article about Food Stamps. Once it’s done, I’ll either throw it up here, or if I feel lucky, I might try submitting it somewhere online. I’m honestly not sure how it’s going to turn out. I’m just writing a lot of crap in a notebook for now. Wish me luck.

PS… — January 16, 2019
It Wasn’t a Suicide Post FFS —
My Depression, OCD Vlog —

My Depression, OCD Vlog

I recorded this video about 5 days ago, but didn’t get it uploaded until yesterday.. I had to edit out part of my face, because I realized to my horror I had some chocolate  on my face!

In epilogue to the video, I was on the phone with a friend last night and she told me about someone who passed away recently. My friend told her about something I had done and the dying woman laughed hysterically. Less than 24 hours later, she left this world. So, at least I know that somewhere I sort of eased someone’s suffering for a minute. That actually makes me happy.

The Holidays — January 7, 2019

The Holidays

I didn’t even know they did this anymore, Poetry Rallies. I haven’t wrote a poem in years. Maybe 2011? Be afraid. Be very afraid. In fact, if you think this is really bad, tell me, please!

Holidays

Back before everyone died;

Mama made turkey breast, boiled then baked.

Stuffing made of sausage and cornbread.

Cranberry sauce fresh from the can.

Discord from Grandma; Grandpa can’t see his plate.

New gifts and wrapping paper on the floor.

A feeling of home I don’t have anymore.

Now I go out to eat.

http://promisingpoetsparkinglot.blogspot.com/2018/12/poets-rally-week-88-christmas.html?m=1

Watch “Family Dollar Store Haul Shop with me” on YouTube —
Rambles of Lisa — October 5, 2018

Rambles of Lisa

Signed a new lease on the 2nd, which marks six years of living alone. When that time of the year rolls around I’m always terrified that they’ll say they don’t want ‘Cat Lady’ anymore. The thing I worry about the worst is being homeless or losing agency over myself.

I have a teacher from back when I was 6 who wants me to come live with her two states away because she’s still obsessed with me. She hasn’t seen me since age 8 and has tons of “Lisa memorabilia.” She must still see me as 8 or less. She means well, but I can discern her Evangelical need to save me from being a liberal, a social justice warrior, and only a mainline Christian. The thought of having to suppress myself is horrifying. I think the first time I drop something and say the F bomb or GD it, she’d realize her mistake in thinking I’m still my pure 7 years-old self. I always say, “No, thank you. I’m happy with my life here, but I really appreciate it.” My mom, were she still alive, would be concerned about her like she was when I was young.

In other news, my best friend and I thought we heard gunshots while we were feeding strays. It must not have been shots though, because Deputy Doughnut n’ crew took their time to bother responding, circled around my neighborhood disaffected, and left. I was moderately scared. By the end of it all, I felt it was like being in Vanilla Ice’s video:

Vanilla Ice: Gunshots rang out like a bell.

Me: OK.

So yeah, I was moderately afraid and shielded my friend by putting my massive frame in front of where the gun sound came from. We laid on the ground and she called the cops. I personally just wanted to get the hell out of there, my flight mechanism in full on ‘haul ass’ mode. Then we hurried over to the handicapped ramp and hid for awhile. So, it must have been a car backfiring. I’d have given the experience a 8 out of 10 stars in the anxiety department, because as my mind works, ” Being shot isn’t as bad as the fear of being homeless.” I felt pretty stupid, and was grateful that the cops didn’t feel obliged to stop and talk to us. There’s some drugs in my complex, but as far as I know, no one’s ever been shot here. You have to go about a mile or so to get to a neighborhood where people get shot, really. I could imagine the cops laughing at the cat ladies as they went by. “Hysterical biddies,” I imagine them saying to each other. So yeah, unless someone’s bleeding out, I won’t be calling.

Risperidone Perdition — August 24, 2018

Risperidone Perdition

My brain feels a bit foggy. Hopefully this is a temporary thing. While I’m trying to pass it off as merely sepsis, early onset dementia, and/or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, I am concerned my brain is just gourded. I am doing better, so that’s a problem. Maybe I’m just nervous. Even with three psychotropic drugs in my system, I still imagine disaster around the corner. A spark in the back of my brain always feels unease. Sometimes it’s just an ember barely glowing, sometimes it’s five alarm….but the point is, it never really leaves. A friend says she wouldn’t want anything in her system that messes with her personality. “But I’m doing better. Can’t you see?” is my response. People just can’t get it. I’m sick, but I can’t get rid of it with just a case of the runs. There’s things I find difficult to discuss verbally. My compulsions are hidden from view, but I’m always doing them. And they’re an iota better! One less step in something plotted out in tens of steps. You might ask me what I’m doing, as I appear to be non-productive, but I can’t explain how I get stuck in my rituals. I honestly don’t know how to conduct myself without them, but a little relief to me is a big thing.

At least I can still write semi-coherent sentences.

Protected: — July 21, 2018
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