Ocdbloggergirl's Blog: OCD, Life, and Other Misunderstandings

More Mental Malaise, Less Donald Trump

Roses Discount Department Store Shoe Clearance Haul — October 17, 2019

Roses Discount Department Store Shoe Clearance Haul

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Dollar Tree Nonfiction Book Haul — October 11, 2019
I’m Really Scared — October 7, 2019

I’m Really Scared

I don’t know why they haven’t sent out a message to renew my lease. My lease expired October 4th, and I’ve read state law prevents landlords from not renewing leases without 30 days notice BEFORE the lease expires. I’m still scared though, and what if they hike it up since last year’s hurricane destroyed cheaper apartments in the region.

They’re rolling out a new form of Medicaid, and one wrong choice could ruin my special assistance I get from Medicaid. I’d call my social worker, but I can’t stand that woman. I called Medicaid and they’re going to send me a form to stay on “direct Medicaid,” because I have “behavioral health issues.” ‘Behavioral Health’ sounds twice as bad to me as ‘mental health, but what do I know?

Then what really upsets me is I get roped in to watching my ‘friend’s’ 4 dogs for 2 weeks while she goes to Nova Scotia.She never bothered to tell me it would be 2 weeks instead of one, how much bus money she’s leaving me, who do I contact in emergency. I doubt unless she gets an international plan, I could contact her, and she doesn’t want me to sully her Facebook with my presence. So yeah, I get 2 weeks of Diverticulitis Poppy shitting up my friend’s house with her loose excrement everywhere and Dudley the smelly shitzu who won’t stop licking my face no matter how many times I push him away. The two other dogs are fine, as is her cat.

OK kids, here’s a helpful hint: If someone used to be your mental health nurse wants to be your friend later, she may be planning on using you. I should have known years ago when this first happened that it’s never my charming personality.

I can’t handle all of this at once. The uncertainty of everything.

Pass — September 15, 2019

Pass

Now that she’s met someone, she’s asking Someone if he knows anyone for me. I told her no thanks. The thought of having to meet said Somebody if she had been successful is terrifying. I’m sure I would fuck everything up. I can’t pass for normal no matter how hard I try and my looks don’t help either. Imagine having to invite someone into my dilapidated apartment if we became that close, or putting up a conversation, or admitting I am on disability. What if he thought I was an idiot, or I thought he was an idiot? I can’t even imagine. While I don’t want to die alone or as a virgin, no. Just no.

Plot Twist —

Plot Twist

Still banned on Facebook. No one noticed. My friend messaged me after 7 days of quiet. I’ve been feeling gloomy, but didn’t realize how much until she messaged and I started shedding tears. I kept her on as long as I could.

I’m a bit concerned about life choices she seems to be making, but I should just let it happen. This is going to sound off, but she’s got a new someone to bother with and doesn’t need me. She’s almost a narcissist. I feel bad for this new friend. It’s starting similar to how she was with me, practically saving my life. I’m worried for her too, but…

Mom’s Deathversary Year 8 — September 13, 2019

Mom’s Deathversary Year 8

It’s the 8th anniversary of my mother’s death, it’s Friday the 13th, and I’m in Facebook Jail for calling someone a stupid cunt. At the tender age of 33, I became an orphan. I knew very little about adulting then, but look how mature I am now.

I’d done a few ‘social experiments’ on Facebook before to see what Herr Zuck would tolerate, since a bunch of the crazies got thrown off Facebook (I’d share Alex Jones and Paul Joseph Watson crap just to see if I’d get censored ). Zuck, however, knows my actual political affiliation better than I do.

I wasn’t even trying to get in trouble, but the cunt who I called a cunt snitched on me. My mother, who was the nicest person, wouldn’t have approved. I wish I could talk to my mom. I’d tell her about being forsaken by various people since her death, Trump, and I’d apologize for a lot.

My friend, who doesn’t want anything much to do with me, has told me more than once that I could’ve saved my mom. If I’d taken her temperature or insisted even harder that she go to the doctor. Friends, am I right?

Isolation — September 10, 2019

Isolation

For all intents and purposes, I’m becoming a hermit cat lady. I’m trying to get out every day or so, go to the Y or a store. It keeps me from depression. I look for validation now online or from the people paid to endure me. My friend is tired of me, and in some ways, it’s a relief. I don’t have to hear about being brain damaged, or ‘retarded,’ or whatever else she comes up with. I don’t have to be derided for my actions. Besides, there’s still everyday people who will let me know they think I’m slow.

I was at Dollar General the other day. No one was at the counter, so I flipped open a National Enquirer and waited for someone to notice me. A guy came up behind me and he got the person to ring us up. I said something like “OK” to answer the cashier about something, and I hear him echo/mock me. As I’m leaving, I hear him still amused by me, saying, “You’ll never find a more patient customer.” Hardee har. Drop dead.

Aldi Grocery Store Haul After a Hurricane — September 8, 2019
The Fire at My Apartment Complex Video — August 30, 2019
Resolution —

Resolution

My nerves were frazzled to say the least. I called again at 3 that day, reiterated that it was dripping out of the damn light bulb, and that I was afraid of it being a fire hazard. By then, I cut the power to everything. This seemed to gain results. A new maintenance guy came over, as they must have fired the brigade again as they do once or twice a year. He took a look and said, “It’s coming from upstairs.” Genius, pure genius.

So Maintenance Guy, let’s call him Smelly, went upstairs and banged on the door. Perhaps the tenant was afraid to let him in, since she hadn’t ordered any maintenance. Maybe she’d just finished a J, or had someone unauthorized staying there. I don’t know, but for whatever reason, she didn’t come to the door. And this is how I found out we have a new manager, because she came armed with, I guess ,the new head maintenance guy and Smelly. They go into my bedroom closet and look. “Oh they’re going to let us in one way or another,” she said. Good heavens. How to Win Your Neighbors’ Undying Regard by Lisa B.

So once they performed the Great Raid of 2019, they said some pipes were leaning against the wall or something, and it wasn’t their water heater. I panicked the whole time they were around.

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