Worst Christmas Ever

What I’d like to say is, I really do try. I tried really hard this Christmas to make it especially good for her. My flaws, however, kept showing, plus her desire to not be happy no matter what was too much to win. This year began going downhill around Thanksgiving. I wanted to go out to eat anywhere: Waffle House, Wendy’s, anywhere that was open after she got done with work, just so we could say we had been together for Thanksgiving. No, she said, if you can’t step up and make something, I’d rather be alone. I offered to have Denny’s deliver her Thanksgiving dinner to her workplace, but she didn’t want that either.

So that was the worst Thanksgiving ever. I should have learned how to make a turkey. Instead, I went Christmas shopping and drank a whole bottle of wine.

So Christmas I decided I wouldn’t make a single mistake. I would do everything perfectly. I got a turkey, and she wasn’t impressed ( Don’t expect me to jump up and down now, because I wanted turkey three weeks ago), so I filed the turkey under something to do after work Christmas day for her .

I sprinkled gifts to her all through December. Then on Christmas Eve I came to her house bearing gifts and gift.wrap because I didn’t.have time to wrap and grab the bus.

First she mocked my reindeer antlers and light up Christmas necklace. I was just a little disappointed. No tears yet. I insisted on wrapping my gifts to her that I hadn’t already given. This seemed to annoy her. “Why couldn’t you wrap them earlier, it’s not like you have anything else to do.” I could feel the tears welling up and finished wrapping, then hid out until I could stop sobbing.

She liked the presents as did I. So it was off to the Italian restaurant where I gorged and had a phenomenal time…until. I had a double shot of Jack and Coke and at one time I was alone at the table and the waitress asked if I would like a to go cup for my soda. I said sure, thanks. She didn’t ask if my friend wanted one and I didn’t ask. A) I was tipsy B) even tipsy, I’m shy C) I figured she’d ask my friend eventually or my friend would ask.

This became a fight about how inconsiderate I am all night, off and on, to the woman who paid for my dinner.

But yes, it definitely gets worse. At the Family Dollar next door to the restaurant, I began to loudly hiccup and she berates me for my inability to drink period and that I didn’t get any cat food while there (I wasn’t out yet, so I didn’t. Sue me, bitch).

Then we make it over to the kid’s house that feeds a colony of cats. While driving there, she’s berating about all i do is care about myself, the drink, etc. “But what about all the presents I gave you throughout December,” I said lamely.

“If you mention that to me again, I’m going to leave you up here,” she said. The area is dark and cold and I wouldn’t have the money to take a cab 15 miles away from home. Maybe that was an empty threat, maybe not, who knows. When we got to the house, she was looking for canned cat food, saw my restaurant drink sitting on the floor board and she threw it as hard as she could into the grass. I stood looking at the shriveled styrofoam for a moment and then walked away bawling. I didn’t want our autistic friend to see me crying at the most wonderful time of the year. I walked a little way d came back. Karen informed me he now thinks I’m retarded like him (her words)

Then we went to Target, and that went ok. I just stayed quiet.

Then we got to the 2 cats we feed by a doctors. I just stood deeply immersed in my thoughts. And I got berated for not petting the cat. As we drove back to my apartment, she went on about empathy and my supposed lack of it.

And that was my Christmas.