February 14, 2015
I always fall for the wrong people,
This is my mistake.
People who never love me,
people who want me to break.
So I ask myself why try?
Why lie that love will save the day?
Why be ignored by another rake?
I would rather have a steak.
For better poetry than this, please look at the other entries http://promisingpoetsparkinglot.blogspot.com/2015/02/hyde-park-poetry-palace-thursdy-poets.html
February 6, 2015
I never do anything right (hence why I’m still here)
A boil on the ass of humanity. Some people are producers, others are takers. I am the latter.
The only person who really needed me is dead, and I can only feign being of use to others.
Who wants to live in a world where no one loves you?
I’m repulsive physically and emotionally
I’m average to below average intellectually.
My voice never grew up.
I’m afraid of people, and I know I’m being judged openly or discretely..
People talk down to me.
People talk about me.
I have a huge white-fro.
Only creepy people want me sexually.
My feelings are never returned.
Im too pussy to die.
February 3, 2015
I feel like everything bad that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. My social worker tried to get my last month’s late fee waived unbeknownst to me, which pissed off Ol’ Marge the landlady, and renewed her interest in inspecting my apartment, suggesting my social worker be there when she swings the proverbial axe upon my neck. Yay.
My therapist is pissy because my social worker helped me get my psych nurse back through my primary doctor. She’s concerned it will conflict with her services through Medicaid billing. I’d rather have my nurse truth be told because I don’t trust my therapist much. My therapist narcs to my psychiatrist and just threatened today that if things get bad enough she’ll tell Social Services on me. I like my therapist, but from now on I’ll keep my problems to myself. I feel like giving up.
January 22, 2015
The world packages the new year as hope personified. It’s a lie. One month into 2015 and I laugh bitterly at the idiot I was thinking this year would be any different. In fact it’s worse.
Today I walked out to the lake just to make sure I was still among other humans. Apparently God is still in His Heaven and all is right with the world because the closeted gays were still around the gazebo.
I’ve been off my meds almost two weeks and my dreams are filled with nonsensical mixes of my mother, the unmaterialized landlady, and suicide.
In reality I’m too much attached to my cats to kill myself, but I like the idea of people complaining about a smell which turns out to be my fat rotting carcus. One final fuck you to everyone who never gave a damn.
I remember hearing about a guy who lived in the apartment across the hall from us before we lived at our old apartment. Apparently he overdosed on whatever his drug of choice was and was only found two weeks later because of the stench. Ugh.
This was the year I was supposed to make new friends, expand my horizons, take a class. Fuck it.
There are two types of people in this world, the useful and the the useless. Some will die mourned. Others, like me, will one day keel over with a coronary and be diiscovered when their stench permeates the walls .
I think I better get my meds tomoorow even though there are other pressing needs
January 21, 2015
Hi Pretty, How are you today beautiful one, hope you are doing well?. Sorry for bugging you up with my message; It's a beautiful day here and I do believe it's the same for you. Oh dear, forgive my eyes for admiring your beauty, I saw your profile photo with your gorgeous look and thought I should say HI to this pretty Angel (YOU). Your look is good and I do hope that your heart speaks the same as your beautiful Look (smiles). Beauty, I believe should radiate from the inside and not just limited to the face. You seem truly a nice person and that drew my attention to you. Could you give me a chance to talk with you and maybe we can also share good ideas about ourselves and get to know each others. I most tell you less i forget, you are indeed a very beautiful looking woman with a sweet charming face, what a wonderful warming smile on it as you captured my attention my first sight to your profile photo. (smile) *wink* Hope to hear from you soon. best regards, Johan
Someday my Nigerian Prince will come and send me and and a few others a declaration of love.
January 14, 2015
It’s official. My neighbors are gunning for me. I’m on the radar of my landlady, and I feel like I want to take a long walk off a short pier. Lord’ why can’t my asshole neighbors mind their own business or drop dead or something. From one fat fuck to another, FAT FUCKS! I bet it was Douchebag Dan and Tubby Terry. Douchebag Dan lives upstairs, is on disability for his back, and I keep thinking one day he will come through the ceiling. If he moves I hear him. If he coughs, I hear him. No lie, I know when he takes a piss and it’s like someone is running a hose.
Tubby Terry lives across from me, doesn’t work, and seemingly takes every meal via Dominos pizza or Chinese. He has heart problems.
I sometimes have odor emanating from my cat boxes and they complained, plus the landlady, Marge the Minge, knows I’m a hoarder and a slob. My cats are well cared for, but sometimes their boxes get pissy before I can get new litter.
She told my friend if I don’t clean up she’ll hire someone at my expense. Look, I know it’s me with the problem but what about my fucking right to privacy?
I don’t fuck with them, they shouldn’t fuck with me. I just want to be left alone. Go in your apartments and shut the fucking door, you worthless fucks. Fuck off and die.
An acquaintance of mine has agreed to help me and hopefully she’ll get Marge the Minge off me. She’s going to call Mingey and be all professional. Hopefully APS, The Health Department, Animal Control, DSS and the NSA won’t be called. Gosh, I really wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up anymore. I am not going into a home and I’m not parting with my pets. I just want to live out my miserable life here with my three cats.
In my lineage there are hoarders . A branch on my maternal grandpa’s side. The A’s were the hoarders of their mountain homeland. Dirty, filthy, cluttery, people would go to their house just to gawk at the spectacle. They were the black sheep. Probably one of the reasons the remainder of my relatives don’t want anything to do with me is the clutter Cousin Diane saw when she visited, not to mention how my mom never contacted them again afterward.
January 8, 2015
bank account, Benefits Management, EBT card
Glory be, I finally got someone from Social Services on the phone who actually knew what she was talking about. I wonder if I was the only one who didn’t get the memo that all special assistance checks would go on direct deposit to your EBT card and then to the bank. Oh it went on my EBT card, and then dissapeared to Heaven knows what bank. They think Benefits Management has it somehow and put it on a card or bank account I don’t even have anymore. I’m worried that it may have went to a bank which account got closed when that damn home unauthorized took all my money and it was closed at -600.00, so if it got popped into that account from 2012 I might as well kiss my home goodbye. Realistically i doubt that happened, but im still scared shitless until i can slip my rent into the cold hands of my landlady. Pray for me that it get’s resolved tomorrow. I don’t know how much more I can take.