Persevere bitches! !!! I almost forgot today was my fifth blogoversary. Time flies when you mull over how life blows for five. fucking. years. But seriously I love you all, and hopefully one day I’ll stop having a pity party with dumpster dive cake. Thanks!
No offense, but,
I’m about to tell you
how you are nothing,
Worthless and dim,
How I must enunciate syllables,
Your Neanderthal brain is too slim.
No Offense, but, I told you not to take offense!
Its not my problem you shed a tear, when I said I can’t talk to you as an equal, your mind is just too dense!
Just remember, though,no offense! No Offense!
(Written for an online friend of mine)
Ever since I was a small child, people have tried to change who I am, most of all myself. At age 7, I remember the praying over and over again for Jesus to come into my heart. Not just to avoid certain eternity in hell, but that if He were really in my heart, I could be normal and perfect too. At age 7, I who was already preoccupied with choking to death and dying of a heart attack thanks to TV, believed Jesus would live inside my heart. In exchange for my free fibrillating condo, He’d give me shelter in heaven when He set the world alight and make whatever about me that made people dislike me go away. Ms. Stewart, my teacher would say with certainty that “you’ll be fine,” instead of, “Well, just keep praying about it. Only Jesus really knows…”
Jesus in her heart didn’t stop her from being sadistic and delighting in humiliating me in front of other kids and teachers, or threatening me with her goddamn paddle.
People who claim religion and wear it upon their sleeves are often sadistic and narcissistic, and make everyone else weaker than them suffer. I believe Jesus knows what I mean.
I still pray for God to come into my heart and make me perfect or at least average. There’s just something about me, you know? It’s not so much religosity anymore, but the need to be liked.
What is it about me that at the age of five, my neighbor saw me choking and giggled? When my throat muscles got the lime candy up and I spat it into the grass, he said “Now look what you did. Get back in the house now.” When I told my mother about it years later, she thought it must have been a dream. There was also some debate among therapists as to what happened when I accidently saw his penis when I was four, but that really doesn’t matter now.
There’s just something that emanates from me that people see as wrong, worthless, needs to be obliterated.
As a teenager, they triedto make me an adult, but I had exiled myself from everyone for two years homeschooling, so I acted younger because I hadn’t been around anyone. My highschool principal’s congratulations for my diploma was “Well you’re done.”
Fast forward to Aging Twink, hero of my mom’s passing. That should have killed me.
With this mark on me how will I ever measure up for anyone? I will just dissapoint anyone who remotely cares about me from now to eternity. I am so depressed.
When the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window and gives you a tub of butter to slide your fat ass through. I feel like I’m having doors shut and windows open left and right, but somehow my massive body can’t pull through them. One too many Burger King BOGO Whoppers I guess. The truth is that the God who watches over sparrows forgot to kill me the day my usefulness ran out, which was somewhere around 7 am September 13, 2011. I tried to rectify this about three years ago, but it was a lame attempt, and God, like everyone else said, “I don’t want you.” I really don’t know how I survived my life after the attempt, but I did.
What have I become? A filthy, disgusting government mooch. A
sifterpurveyor of garbage. A hoarder is worse than being a whore in most people’s estimation. If I’m not a financial mooch of people, I’m an emotional one. I want so much to be loved, but all I leave is a path of destruction in my wake. I’m too much of a pussy to attempt suicide again. Anything painless is usually fruitless, and I’m too much of a wuss to jump off a bridge and have my ribs skewer my lungs. I don’t want physical pain, and the fear of physical pain inherent in humans is enough to drown out the pain of sheer worthlessness. I deserve a painful death. I deserve to die the way my mother did, to have my body become septic and reject me. That is justice.
I wish the worthless feeling would go away. I know everyone thinks I’m worthless. The other day social services came to help me clean up my apartment so I won’t get evicted. One woman found my ‘fries with that ‘ college degree.’ Now that’s funny.
The TraSa897 Foundation is a Vietnamese non-profit organization
I dont have the answers, just a lot of questions.
Steering You towards a Healthier Happier Life
A dark spill of worlds and words
never learns ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Making People Cool and Author
Thoughts on a mechanistic universe
A courtesy calendar of ALL scheduled hashtag games & some other fun stuff to do on Twitter
Animals, Gift Ideas, Travel, Books, Recycling Ideas and Many, Many More
Travel for Fun and Adventure
Health, Wellness, Lifestyle, Spontaneity
The best longform stories on the web
A Place for the Expressive
A blog about mental health, self acceptance, and embracing all the magnificentally awkward moments along the way.
Autism, Depression, and Chronic Pain - Oh My!
Adulting One Day At A Time
Thoughts that provoke yours. (Season II coming in Dec 2019)
Yes to Adventures?
A dude with OCD
Me, my husband, and his OCD
Diary of a mentally Ill man.
because labels are hard
emotions on a tightrope above our heads when modern technology places all of us in a toothspoon
Writing, Photography, and Website Design
Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii
Slow Motion Accident - Mental Health Advocate - Crisis Counselor - Bipolar 1
blogging, and reblogging
Find here all information on mental health, travel tips, and generally lifestyle questions answered! Whatever you need to know, this is the place for you.
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. ~Kahlil Gibran
feel. write. make poetry.
A girl travelling around the world on a motorcycle.
free plr articles
Deep Down Inside...
Every now and then my head is racing with thoughts so I put pen to paper
Travel, Running, Fitness, Life, Writing.
A Blog About My Own Arts and Crafts and Photography
Helping others understand mental health in a unique way
I like art and aerospace engineering - I am very opinionated and like to post about things I do on a daily basis.
Conscious Thought: Driven by Intelligent Awareness
A blog full of tips, inspiration and freebies!
A Lifestyle, Beauty, Fashion and Travel Blog
Life under the thinking tree