OK, I’m going to try to start writing more again. I was lonely in 2010 when I started writing in this blog, and I’m lonely again, so…
Here I am 9 1/2 years later. I’m honestly amazed how far I’ve come from someone totally dependent on her mother to being something akin to independent. My life before my mother’s death is such a distant memory most of the time that it seems like someone else’s memories. Except when I feel intense pangs of guilt. Then I know I am that same person who cursed out her mom.
Sometimes, when I feel insecure, it comes back in my dreams. My mom has just died of sepsis. My cousins reject me. I have no place to go. And then I wake up, amazed that it was 8 years ago this September. That I’m OK and safe in my own apartment. It’s the past.
Fighting triggered the dream.