My right arm just below my shoulder is pulsating off and on as though it is a separate being. For some reason, the occasional twitches and pulsations of my body are fascinating to me. I think it’s my nerves. Every few seconds comes the twitch, which lasts for a few more seconds. The pulsing is so fast, I can’t count how many times it pulsates. What a thrill.
Sometimes it’s my right eye, rapid like a bird beating her wings. Then I must capture it in the mirror or with my camera, my own private freak show. Fortunately, this twitching happens infrequent enough to be amusing to me and even calming. Look I’m still alive! There’s my brain misfiring again.
Starting in high school, I noticed in my left palm a vein that I could watch pulsate if I rested my hand just so on my desk. This must’ve seemed like a swell parlor trick to me because covertly watching my vein pulse also calmed me.
I twitch my nose also, but this is voluntary. But I’m so used to doing it that it’s more I have to consciously stop myself from doing it. It’s like twiddling your thumbs, except it’s my freaking nose. I also move my mouth too. Match.com here I come!
My friend is mad at me again, nothing new there. I had told her I thought Dusty the stray had an injury or something to his eye. Today I saw him in the daylight, which is kind of rare, and noticed there was some green mucous and red in his eye. I told my friend this. Later, we held him down and gave him some antibiotic in his eye, but then she got a good look at him and flipped out at me. “You said it looked a little foggy. He’s probably blind!”
“I’m not a vet. I don’t know,” I said. She began to berate me, maybe deservingly, about staying in the house all the time and being lazy. Something about my mental problems and excuses. That it was a good thing I never had children ( a point I fully agree with). That how could I stand myself? That I cost her thousands of dollars. Just look at Katie and Callie! she said. Katie, to be fair to me, has an autoimmune disease, but is thriving at her house now. Callie I look after and has herpes. So there was extenuating circumstances for their decline. I feel like pure shit though.