Ocdbloggergirl's Blog: OCD, Life, and Other Misunderstandings

More Mental Malaise, Less Donald Trump

Seriously can’t figure out why I’m alive… — November 14, 2011

Seriously can’t figure out why I’m alive…

I sometimes think I want to end it,but I’m too chicken. Probably a good thing I’m too much of a coward. My mom would kill me if I tried, hah! There  has to be a reason for my life. Anyway, my cats would miss me and they already lost my mom.

I keep thinking about every mistake I’ve made, every word that I’ve been misunderstood saying. I keep looping everything over and over and over. I can’t bear my imperfection. My mother knew how intense I got and loved me anyway. A mother is contractually obligated to love her child. I keep thinking of the rejection by my distant relatives, who else is going to reject me?

I think everyone I see is thinking bad stuff about me. I imagine anyone speaking low to someone is  talking about how I’ve done something wrong. it’s probably my imagination 90% of the time. Social anxiety and paranoia much? My OCD is telling  that everyone is mad at me and blaming me for anything that happens.

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