Ocdbloggergirl's Blog: OCD, Life, and Other Misunderstandings

More Mental Malaise, Less Donald Trump

Dependance, Paranoia, and Bears Oh My! — April 14, 2015

Dependance, Paranoia, and Bears Oh My!

As you may have noticed of late my brain is really glitching up, like I’m trying to connect broadband internet when my brain runs on Windows 95. Every time I feel happy, i’m readying myself for the inevitable downward turn. Every time I think someone could truly like me for me, my brain says it won’t last. The last time I saw my therapist, she even told me I try to appear normal and hide just how bad my issues are. Can you imagine how much fun that would be to tell anyone I’m with, just what my brain is telling me:

I hear my neighbors talking, so they may be talking about narcing me out to my landlady, who, by the way, thinks i’m M.R.

I’m going to the mailbox. Hope there’s nothing in there that spells out I’m about to be homeless and penniless.

I think the clerk in the store is watching me so I don’t steal something.

If you lose something I’m afraid you’l think I stole it.

If I’m imperfect I think you won’t like me.

If you’re mad at me i shut down completely and think that you’ll never forgive me and I will be alone forever or should just drop dead.

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— April 5, 2015

I know my blog has been about as fun to read as being stabbed with a rusty needle, being devoured by characters from Twilight, and drowning in a bucket of stale urine. Today is no exception. I feel like giving up. Everything is going to hell. Jesus might have flown out of this earth, but I’m going to be stuck here or wind up in a home somewhere. I always fail. Always.

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