New Year

Christmas is over.

The lights gleam melancholy,

waiting for the new year.

This year’s disappointments

meld with the hope that

the new year will be different

than the one before.

False hope is still hope.

A Cow

She kept his words like Biblical edicts, mulling them in her mind.

Chewing them like cud.

She began to believe

that maybe she wasn’t dumb.

Maybe she was likeable.

Maybe she could belong.

But no, some things are not meant to be.

Like fitting in or being a member of humanity.

Broken

My heart is broken,

Ran right through.

Severed into pieces

And there is no glue.

You survey the damage

unaware that it was you

with a quick remark

aimed at a jocular fool.

You sweep up the remains

And chuck them in a bin.

You can feel parts of a secret love

Emanating from within.

Easily taken care of,

Just close the lid.

Forget the forgettable,

that’s the best way to live.

An Account of Thanksgiving, My Birthday, Silent Treatment

Thanksgiving was actually pretty decent thanks to Pervert J’s family being jerks. Pervert J is the geezer K sicked on me that time. Did I tell you about that? Probably.

Anyway, J is probably dying of lung cancer, a biopsy is needed to confirm, but his son decided Thanksgiving was a great time to vacation in Port au Prince. Lucky me, that meant J could keep Evil K from emerging at Thanksgiving.

J never seems sad or concerned about  anything. He seems to only have 2 modes: friendly and flirty/horny.  I have a suspicion that he’s either a sociopath, or lacks common sense to an almost hilarious degree. His wife of 50ish years croaked and he doesn’t seem to care at all, except to be relieved. He gave away a bunch of his hoarding wife’s clothes, giving bed bugs to at least 2 of his lady friends. And now the potential cancer he seems to not care about. An interesting character, indeed.

And K wanted him to pick me up for Thanksgiving dinner. I was not thrilled, but I was determined to not give K any reason to be mad, making sure I didn’t wear a jacket, and when I got home, dousing my shoes in vinegar.

I tried to think of everything and anything that had made her mad on previous holidays. I tried to help as soon as I got there, expressed immense gratitude, and every time a dish was dirty I washed it. J only came on to me once and I deflected with a ‘no thanks, ask K instead.’

I’d have been completely free of K’s anger, but J left, and she wanted me to hold a few of her elderly cats as she trimmed their claws. One is nearly completely blind and deaf. That one was able to jump down after wiggling free from me.

“She could’ve broken her leg!” screeched K. The cat hurried away with me chasing her. When the cat went into a closet, I turned and looked at K. thinking it might be better for her to retrieve the kitty. “What do you expect me to do about it?” she demanded. I finally got her.

Another cat, much stronger, dug his claw into me, causing me to yelp. ” Did he even break the skin?”

Later, alledgedly paranormal activity started to occur. The XM satellite radio kept going in and out. I figured it was because I was near the antenna. But it did it when I was away from the antenna too. So maybe…

Her father died twenty something years ago on a Thanksgiving.

My mother’s birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year.

Or maybe it was Oscar seeing that K. has not followed his request to be good to me.

I imagine it was her father.

My birthday was terrible. Not as terrible as the year before when I almost drowned in my bathtub after gulping down a bottle of vodka, but bad. I had spoken to K. The night before at 3 am and we only started texting around 2pm the day of my birthday, which I guess was too late. Apparently her phone was messing up but I didn’t understand and this caused her wrath. She said her phone had died, which I took to mean the battery died and she was talking about a burner. Since she had just resurrected her PC, for some reason I thought she meant she wanted a CD burner. Then she said something about a burner phone and I suggested a TextNow number for a burner. She flew into a rage. I tried to explain that I hadn’t understood that she meant her phone had broke and she accused me of being on drugs or not caring. She told me my present had arrived in the mail and she said happy birthday without any emphasis, and I realized that this is how it was going to be. I flew into a rage unlike any I had ever felt before and told her she was a ‘borderline cunt.’

Things went ok for awhile until last Monday. I asked for something, made a mistake, apologized, but not good enough, so now we aren’t talking. I’ll try to say something tomorrow, just in case Christmas can be saved.

I remember something she said on my birthday about how I should apologize even when I’m not in the wrong.

Maybe this is for the best. She’d probably just verbally abuse me anyway on Christmas. But I’m scared of being completely alone in the world.