No answers

She’s still very much alive.

FI think it’s been 48 hours now and no call. I’m tooo scared to call them and I’m too afraid to say anything to my only friend too.

I wouldn’t mind dropping dead or going to sleep forever, but the thought of suffering an extended illness is terrifying. I can see it within the realm of possibilities that if I get bad results, they’ll pass me off to a nephrologist, urologist, or oncologist before ever saying a word to me. That’s how they referred me to the radiologist, without a single word. Just someone from radiology called me with a referral.

She hasn’t contacted me. Even if she did realize she might have overreacted a bit, and I’m not sure she has come to that conclusion, she never apologizes. Being completely friendless with no family is no way to live. Yet somehow I still want to live. I ALMOST want to tell her she’s a miserable fucking cunt for calling me a retard and telling me that I will have no friends left in this life. Is she wanting me to die? . If only people knew the things she said. She’s actually said worse to me over the years:

Said I belonged at Auschwitz ( because she thought I was mentally challenged).

Threatened to throw me out of the car on a dark deserted road (Likely wouldn’t have).

Said my mom’s death was because I didn’t take her temperature.

I still want her back though.

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