I feel so alone. My special assistance check is late and I’m worried it won’t come in time or at all. If I don’t get that check, my complex starts evictions on the 14th. I can’t get anyone at social services to call me back. When I went to someone seeking comfort, the person fusses me out for what I did the night before. I accepted a ride from someone that person hates with a good reason. It was 37 degrees outside, it was dark and I’d have had to take 2 buses to get home. So went dumpster diving with her for a couple of hours, she brought me home. I didn’t exchange numbers to keep in contact with her, figuring that was loyalty enough to the person mad at me. WRONG! So this person is yelling at me while I’m trying hard not to lose control. I feel myself tearing up and I hate crying in front of people, so I leave for the person’s sake and mine. I think of all the times I listen and help this person out and I cry some more. This evening this person texts me that this person will not go to social services with me, though  this person knows how upset I am. This person does have a fever, but I believe this person’s main reason for not going anyway was a jab at me for getting into a warm car with someone this person hates. (because stupid fucking me  would have gone somewhere even if I was sick if this person needed me). I’m almost at the end of my proverbial rope. What if they decided to take me off the program without notifying me of the change? What if they simply lost it (this happened once) and can’t get me a new one before eviction starts? What if I end up losing my cats and being thrown into a home? What if no one else will rent to me? I’m not going anywhere without my cats. I’m hoping this will all be resolved soon.  I hope someone throws me a lifeline soon. I don’t know how much more I can take.

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