Well at least I know now. Turns out that Old Man started calling my so- called friend’shouse and she thinks I let him have her number. Well fuck him and fuck her too. Doesnt she remember he used to call her before I was nice to him?  Fuck her. Seriously. It’s proof that no one gives a fuck about me and they all probably wish I was dead.  Everyone turns against me.

The man I loved more than anything wishes I was dead.

My family disowned me when I told them my mom died, so I’m as good as dead.

And now everyone thinks I’m dirt online and probably offline too. Maybe someone is trying to tell me something. But I can’t kill myself because my cats need me. Why can’t I just go on and die. No one wants me around. My mother was the one who should have lived. I am not useful to anyone .  I’m scared , I don’t want to die, I don’t think, but if everyone is going to turn against me, why is God keeping me here? All I will ever be is a burden on society until the day I die. 

I refuse to kill myself but I’m not going to open myself up to anyone again. All they ever do is stab you in the back over and over.  I hate life. I hate death. Guess i’m just stuck here until my miserable fat fuck of a life is over by God’s hand.