This is my poem for Poetry Potluck this week. Delightful ain’t it? Please visit http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com and see other poets struck by the muse to amuse you or participate!
I wasn’t fat when I was little,
in my early teens I wasn’t big in the middle.
But toward the end of age 15,
my anxiety decided to ruin everything.
Maybe it stemmed from my grandfather dying,
maybe it was because my mother started dating.
Or maybe it was the pressure in my head,
something like being alive but already dead.
Who knows? Who even cares?
Down with the psychology of despair!
All that really matters is that it was there.
I became deathly afraid of death
for fear it would take my mother,
leaving me with my grandmother,
who could never be pleased.
Who needs the Nervosa sisters,
Bulimia and Anorexia,
when I vomited from intense fear?
Or when I couldn’t sit still.
You only can live a certain way for a time
before you’re driven to therapy.
And then a referral to the psychiatrist.
“Have some Zoloft,”
and I began to eat again,
but my stomach decided that pharmaceutical
wasn’t my friend.
“OK ,here’s some Paxil.”
Thankfully I achieved a Pax Stomachus.
And the food!
Long lost friend,
let’s make up for lost time.
Edible orgy, I’m on a food bend.
Soon 120 lbs. became 250.
I was ugly before I was fat,
so pass the chocolate.
“Think you can handle anxiety without drugs?”
Why, yes. Yes I can deal with it fine.
I’m feeling so much better now!
I wasn’t though.
Dropping down to 180 in a year is cool.
But when the bottom falls out,
you feel like a fool.
“Well, have some Celexa and Wellbutrin then.”
“…But wait, Effexor will be better.”
This time I went off of it,
uh pecuniary concerns.
And my Psychiatrist retired.
“Have some Lexapro,” said New Psychiatrist.
Look! Clarity for a couple of weeks,
then nothing, lights out
“Luvox and Wellbutrin together.”
Takes the edge off.
But I need more.
“Let’s go 100 more mg,
The best I guess.
Anxiety hangs around 50% of the time,
take 50% off of my brain
and I’d be great.
75% of everything is done via compulsion,
good to always have a plan.