St. Joan Ran Through ‘The Dialectizer’

This link I found through my friend,   http://catthebeatnik.wordpress.com/ :   http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/, when she tweeted it yesterday: – The Dialectizer! I was so amused, I decided to share an excerpt from the ‘La Douche Terrible’ post in several translations from The Dialectizer. Here ya go –

The Original

“Want a piece of me? Here I come!….Non!!! Oops, there I went. Ouch! I want mon maman, s’il vous plait.”

Going to be honest here. The person I defended has always been cordial to me. That’s reason one.   Reason two, I genuinely like his writings and was terribly sorry anyone made  him feel bad. Reason three, however, definitely goes to Team OCD. I feel a need to atone for whatever reason made him unsubscibe from my blog. Did I offend him? What did he find objectionable about my writing, or me for that matter?  Was it ’cause I’m mental? I cuss like a dockside prostitute in my writing? My writing is lacking? I’m boring? My writing is too long?

Reminds me of  when I was in college.  To pass expository writing, you had to have an essay examined by 3 teachers and if 2 out of 3 passed you, you passed the class.  I  passed by 2 out of 3, but did I care? I was too busy wondering why the enigmatic third teacher failed me.

Rendered Into Redneck

“Want a piece of me? Hyar ah come!….Non! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide! Oops, thar ah went. Ouch! Fry mah hide! ah’s hankerin’ mon maman, s’il vous plait.”

Gwine t’be honess har. Th’ varmint ah defended has allus been co’dial t’me. Thet’s reason one.   Reason two, ah junuinely like his writin’s an’ was terribly so’ry ennyone made  him feel bad, cuss it all t’ tarnation. Reason three, howevah, definitely goes t’Team OCD. ah feel a need t’atone fo’ whutevah reason made him unsubscibe fum mah blog, acco’din’ t’ th’ code o’ th’ heells! Did ah offend him? Whut in tarnation did he find objeckshunable about mah writin’, o’ me fo’ thet matter?  Was it ’cuz I’m mental? ah cuss like a dockside prosteetoote in mah writin’? Mah writin’ is lackin’? I’m bo’in’? Mah writin’ is too long?

Reminds me of  when ah was in college.  To pass exposito’y writin’, yo’ had t’have an essay examined by 3 skoo marms an’ eff’n 2 outta 3 passed yo’, yo’ passed th’ class.  ah  passed by 2 outta 3, but did ah care? ah was too busy wonnerin’ whuffo’ th’ enigmatic third skoo marm failed me.

Rendered Into Jive

“Want some piece uh me? Here ah’ come! Right on!….Non! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on! Oops, dere ah’ went. Man! Ouch! Right on! ah’ wants’ mon maman, s’il vous plait. Man!”

Goin’ t’be honest here. De sucka’ ah’ defended gots always been co’dial t’me. Dat’s reason one.   Reason two, ah’ genuinely likes his writin’s and wuz terribly so’ry any sucka made  him feel baaaad. Reason dree, however, definitely goes t’Team OCD. ah’ feel some need t’atone fo’ whuteva’ reason made him unsubscibe fum mah’ blog. What it is, Mama! Did ah’ offend him? Whut dun did he find objecshunable about mah’ writin’, o’ me fo’ dat matter?  Wuz it ’cause I’m mental? ah’ cuss likes some dockside prostitute in mah’ writin’? Mah’ writin’ be lackin’? I’m bo’in’? Mah’ writin’ be too long?

Reminds me uh  when ah’ wuz in college.  To pass ‘esposito’y writin’, ya’ had t’have an essay ‘esamined by 3 head homeboys and if 2 out uh 3 passed ya’, ya’ passed da damn class.  I  passed by 2 out uh 3, but dun did ah’ care? ah’ wuz too busy wonderin’ why de enigmatic dird head homeboy failed me.

Rendered Into Cockney

“Want a piece of me, isit?Here I come! Blimey!….Non!! Honest guv!! Oi! Oops, there I went. I’ll get out me spoons. Ouch! Honest guv! I want mon maman, right, s’il vous plait.”

Gonna be ‘onest ‘ere. The geezer I defended ‘as always been cordial ter me. That’s reason one.   Reason two, I genuinely like ‘is writings and were terribly sorry any fairy made  him feel bad. Reason free, however, definitely goes ter Team OCD. I feel a need ter atone for wotever reason made ‘im unsubscibe from me blog. Did I offend ‘im, eh? Wot did ‘e find objectionable about me writin’, or me for that matter?  Were it ’cause I’m mental, eh, squire? I cuss like a dockside prostitute in me writin’, isit?Me writin’ is lackin’, isit?I’m borin’? Me writin’ is too long, mate?

Reminds me of  wen I were in college.  To pass expository writin’, right, yer ‘ad ter have an essay examined by 3 teachers and if 2 out of 3 passed yer, right, yer passed the bloody class.  I  passed by 2 out of 3, right, but did I care, isit?I were too busy wonderin’ why the enigmatic fird teacher failed me.

Rendered Into Elmer Fudd

“Want a piece of me? Hewe I come!….Non!!! Oops, thewe I went. Ouch! I want mon maman, s’iw vous pwait.”

Going to be honest hewe. De pewson I defended has awways been cowdiaw to me. Dat’s weason one.   Weason two, I genuinewy wike his wwitings and was tewwibwy sowwy anyone made  him feew bad. Weason thwee, howevew, definitewy goes to Team OCD. I feew a need to atone fow whatevew weason made him unsubscibe fwom my bwog. Did I offend him? What did he find objectionabwe about my wwiting, ow me fow that mattew?  Was it ’cause I’m mentaw? I cuss wike a dockside pwostitute in my wwiting? My wwiting is wacking? I’m bowing? My wwiting is too wong?

Weminds me of  when I was in cowwege.  To pass expositowy wwiting, you had to have an essay examined by 3 teachews and if 2 out of 3 passed you, you passed the cwass. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit!  I  passed by 2 out of 3, but did I cawe? I was too busy wondewing why the enigmatic thiwd teachew faiwed me.

Rendered Into Swedish Chef

“Vunt a peeece-a ooff me-a? Here-a I cume-a!….Nun!!! Ooups, zeere-a I vent. Um de hur de hur de hur. Ooooch! I vunt mun memun, s’eel fuoos pleeet. Um de hur de hur de hur.”

Gueeng tu be-a hunest here-a. Zee persun I deffended hes elveys beee curdeeel tu me-a. Thet’s reesun oone-a.   Reesun tvu, I genooeenely leeke-a hees vreetings und ves terreebly surry unyune-a mede-a  heem feel bed. Bork bork bork! Reesun three-a, hooefer, deffeenitely gues tu Teem OoCD. I feel a need tu etune-a fur vhetefer reesun mede-a heem unsoobsceebe-a frum my blug. Deed I ooffffend heem? Vhet deed he-a feend oobjecshuneble-a ebuoot my vreeting, oor me-a fur thet metter?  Ves it ’coose-a I’m mentel? I cooss leeke-a a duckseede-a prusteetoote-a in my vreeting? My vreeting is leckeeng? I’m bureeng? My vreeting is tuu lung?

Remeends me-a ooff  vhee I ves in cullege-a.  Tu pess ixpuseetury vreeting, yuoo hed tu hefe-a un issey ixemeened by 3 teechers und iff 2 oooot ooff 3 pessed yuoo, yuoo pessed zee cless. Um gesh dee bork, bork!  I  pessed by 2 oooot ooff 3, boot deed I cere-a? I ves tuu boosy vundereeng vhy zee ineegmetic thurd teecher feeeled me-a.

Rendered Into Moron

“Want a piece of me, duh…uh…? Hehe I come! Huh huh!….Non! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL! Oops, duuhhhh, dehe I webuhnt. Um uh. Ouch! Doihh, COOL! I want mon maman, s’il bous plait.”

Goigg t’ be honest hehe. Duh.De pehson I defendid has allays been cordial t’ me. Dat’s reason one.   Reason two, I genuine like his writiggs ‘n was tehrib sorry anyone made  him feel bad. Reason dree, uh uh uh, duh, howebeh, definite goes t’ Team OCD. I feel a neid to atone f’ whatebeh reason made him unsubscibe from my blog. Did I offend him, duh…uh…? What did he find obbuhjeckionaggle bou’ my writigg, or me f’ dat matteh, duh…uh…?  Was it ’cuz I’m minal, duh…uh…? I cuss like a dockside prostititite in my writigg, duh…uh…? My writigg is lackigg, duh…uh…? I’m borigg, duh…uh…? My writigg is too long, duh…uh…?

Reminds me of  when I was in college.  T’ pass expository writigg, you had t’ habe an essay examinid by 3 teachehs ‘n if 2 out of 3 passid you, you passid the, errr, class, GEEEHEEHEEE. I  passid by 2 out of 3, but did I care, duh…uh…? I was too biddy wondehigg errrr, why the, uh, enigmatic dird teacheh failid me.

Rendered Into Hacker

“want a peice of me!?!?!???!?!?!?!? olloloo…. here i coMe!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~~~ THEIR ISS A RATIO DONT RIP3 ME OFF CZU Y0U SUC ~~~~~~ .. i own joo acuse you are 7ame!!!!!!!!!!1~~~ .. LOLOLOLOL NOn!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ 0ops, there i went ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~ i want mon mamna, s’i7 vous plait/ “

oging to be honeSt hare rthe 7aMMeR i edfe|\|ded ahs lawaYs been corDial to me ht4t’s rason one,,,   REASOJ TW, I G3NNUIELY LIKE HIS WRITINGD AND WAZ TARRILBY SRORY ANYONE MADE  HMI FEE7 AB YOU SUX0R TREASON TRHWEE, HOWEVER, DEDFINITlY GOEAS TO TREAM 0CD i feel an weed t0 atone fr0 wh*ver re4so nmad3 him uNsubscibE frfom my blog,,, HAX0R YUOUUUUUU DID I OFFEND HIM?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????? WHA TDID HE FIND OBJEcTIOJNaBLE ABOUT M YWIRTING, OR M EFR OTHAT M4TTAR????????????? olololololololol~~~ OLOLOLOLOLOLOL…  \\\\////\\\\////AS IT ’CUZ I’M MENT4L?!?!?!?!?!?!?? i cuss like a doX0rsid3 prostitute 1n my writing?????????!!!!!!!!!!????? my writying is laX0r1ng????????? LLOLOLOLLO~~ i’m borin??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL~ gmy Writing is too long???????!!!!!!????????????? AHCK THE PLAN|\|AT

R3MIND SME OF� �WHEN 1 WAZ I NCOLLEGE � tO pass expositroy writing, you had to ahve an essay wxamined by 3 techers and if 2 out of 3 psased yoU, you passed thje cl4ss!!!!!!!111~~~~~~  I  PASsED BY 2 OUT 0F 3, BUT DIDI CR!?!?!?!?!????!?!? 1W AS TOO BUSY WONDARNIG WHY TJ ENIGMATIC THIRD TEAChAQR FAiLED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111